You know you’re feeling at home in urban inner Southeast Portland when…

1.  while sitting your bedroom window you break out the popcorn to watch a drug bust take place across the street. 300-900 plants are taken– SWAT is there for a bit.

2.  Most of your (Libertarian) neighbors are glad the drug bust-ee just happened to be in the Philippines when it went down, and comment on the TV News that he was “just another urban small business owner”.

3.  You are thrilled to hear the weatherperson forecast “sun breaks” for today

4.  Part of your daily routine includes cleaning the newly posted handbills off your telephone pole

5.  You quit bothering to fill out a crime report when someone breaks into your garage or car again.

6.  you just realized the guy with the “homeless vet” sign at the corner of the Ross Island Bridge really does have a job and has had the same one, same location for 5 years– He’s the guy that holds the “homeless vet” sign at the corner of the Ross Island Bridge and he works from 9-6, 6 days a week and takes 2 weeks vacation each year in September. Maybe I should go work for him…

7.  you’ve shifted from using the BBQ for entertaining to the barista machine

8.  you have rice with nearly every meal instead of potatoes, and rarely serve red meat.

9.  you flip out to see anyone -not- recycling

10. you only fill up your gas tank once every other week and purposefully wait for the coldest, rainiest day to enjoy the “no self serve gas” aspect of Oregon.

11. your 30 cup coffee maker has never had anything but hot water for tea in it, and it’s been 2 years since you last had it turned off (its on 24 hours a day).

12.  you’ve changed from republican to democrat because of the neighborhood “vibe”

13.  you now offer “Blue Like Jazz” walking tours to all the Donald Miller haunts in your neighborhood (and people actually come to go on it)

14.  you only read the three free weekly papers, Willamette Week, The Tribune, and The Skanner.

15.  you’re seriously considering opening an espresso stand on your front porch (called “Front Porch Coffee”) for all the patrons sitting on your steps and lawn waiting to get into the the trendy “Junior’s Cafe” next door.

16. after setting up your house in a retro cafe theme for a party one night, strangers start coming in off the street for dessert thinking you are another new restaurant in a house. You serve them of course.

17.  you can name all ten bridges that cross the Willamette River without thinking about it and in order:  St Johns, Freemont (I-405), Broadway, Steel, Burnside, Morrison, Hawthorne, Marquam (I-5), Ross Island, and Sellwood

18.  you no longer get lost in Ladd’s Addition

19.  you no longer drive anywhere on the West Side and start referring to the dividing river as the “Willamette Curtain”

20.  you can remember being there for the last flood, the last earthquake, the last movie filmed, the last riot, the last volcano, the last time a republican VP or president spoke at a public meeting (and consequently know why Portland earned the nickname ”Little Beruit“),

21.  you can quote the Portland mosts (or leasts)–

• most per capita micro breweries in the world and Portland is known as the epicenter of America’s craft brewing renaissance,
• largest new/used bookstore in the world,
• highest per capita book readership in the US,
• has both largest (Forest Park) and smallest (Mills Ends Park- 24″ square) city parks in the United States,
• the only major urban city in the continental US with a dormant volcano in the city limits (Mt Tabor, about 1 mile from our house– note that Bend, OR also has a volcano),
• highest per capita number of adult “sex trade” businesses in the US
• Portland Saturday Market is the largest continuously operating open-air crafts market in the United States,
• most per capita movie viewership in the US,
• most miles of bike paths and lanes in the US,
• friendliest running city in the US,
• largest per capita gay/lesbian population in the US,
• more Asian elephants (27 to date) have been born in Portland than in any other North American city,
• lowest per capita church attendance in the US,
• purchases the most ice cream per capita in the US,
• have the most characters in the Simpsons show named after our streets than any other city in the US- including Flanders, Kearney, Lovejoy, Quimby and Terwilliger (Sideshow Bob),
• recognized as the cleanest city in the US (2005),
• vies with Seattle for most per capita coffee shops/drinkers…

22.  you never plan an outdoor event until after July 5th, the date summer really comes to Portland.

23.  you may never go there, but you’re just content to know that if you wanted to you could be at ocean, farms, wineries, mountains, lakes, caves, volcano, or desert within 2 hours or less.

24.  you know that the terms “skid row” and “shanghaied” originate in Portland.

When do you know you’re feeling at home?…